http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/ en Copyright 2007 Tue, 20 Feb 2007 13:35:01 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss talk goddamn you.....but it's a form of torture nonetheless. Cause even Jack knows, psychological torture is the best. Jack Bauer - Capabale of killing six Asian soldier with a paperclip, and calls his mother more often than I call mine. I might never get married. Ever. Which is bad enough for the one who spawned me, but even worse is that this means I might not ever have kids for her dote (and more importantly) worry over. No brood of my own means no golden age occupation for my mother, which means my poor dog will continue to be dressed up in outfits corresponding with national holidays. If he had the cognitive learning skills to piece this together, he'd likely bite my balls off. It's not that I wouldn't want to get married, it's just that other people's marriages look too impressive for me to ever attempt the idea of a holy union. Seriously, some people have created a loving bond between two individuals acting as one that it downright frightens me I'll be without the capability to do so. Such as these crazy kids. As I sit squarely in my mid-20s, I find myself being drug to wedding after wedding as the inevitable pairing off and thinning of the herd occurs. In turn I've been to the web site theknot.com, where couples to-be post a bunch of hokey shit that makes me want a go a big rubbery one, just so that they can also list what kind of china they want. However, I'd like to attend this wedding... At this point I'll stop, and let love speak for itself: JENNIE WADE & LENNIS HAYES MARCH 22, 2008 396 days to go! ABOUT JENNIE I've lived in Cove for all of my life. I graduated in 2003. I'm currently working at a resturant as a waitress. In March or so I'm going to go to the local barber school so that I can help Lennis run the shop. I'm a pretty down to earth girl, but then again I'm kinda a brat. Lennis spoiles me soooo much. ABOUT LENNIS Lennis was born in Atlanta, Georgia and moved to Texas when he was about 3 or 4. He's lived in Killeen since. He graduated from Shoemaker High School in 2003. Then he went to Barber School at OJ's Barber School offered through CTC. He graduated and then got his license in 2004. He works at his family owned barber shop in Copperas Cove. He plays in a local rock band called Deviltry. No it doesn't have anything to do with the devil. Deviltry: n- an act of reckless behavior. Just thought I would put that out there so there wasn't any confusion. HOW WE MET We met last October when I went to one of his band practices. I went with a friend at the time to her boyfriend's band practice. I met his bassist and then met him. At first I thought that he was kinda cute, but we didn't date. We lost contact and then he found me on myspace. He actually searched for me. He had remembered that I had graduated from Cove and finally found me. Lennis left a message that said " Hey hot mama, call me!!" I replied and our first date was at Boston's and then we went and saw Scary Movie 4. We've been dating since. It's been glorious. We now live together and it's been tough getting used to how we each operate, but I wouldn't change it for the world. WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED November 16, 2006 HOW IT HAPPENED He came home from work and took me into our computer room. I had been bugging him about getting me an engagement ring (just joking of course). He had told me earlier on the phone that I was going to love Christmas. So he closes the door behind me and the tells me to close my eyes and stick out my hands. So I do it, and when he tells me to open them I have a box in my hand. I open and there is my engagement ring. He then asks me to marry him and I just jump on him and tell him yes. Someone, anyone find me a Deviltry t-shirt. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/save_the_date.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/save_the_date.html Tue, 20 Feb 2007 13:35:01 -0600 eye-opening... Watch, as we take you further into the recesses of the wild kingdom than any other program has before. Never has such an intimate look at the social interaction, tribal customs and ornate mating rituals of the purple-faced slopeheaded coonass been captured on video. Notice the sheer absence of class, ettiquite or grooming among the herd - as if there were no caste system at all and a simple, primal motto of anarchaic coonassedness reigned. It's tough to make out any decipherable language patterns, as most of the primate to primate communication is dampened by the sounds of the White Party DJ, a notorious social scavenger common to classless ecosystems. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/finally_documented_proof_1.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/finally_documented_proof_1.html Fri, 16 Feb 2007 16:01:08 -0600 STARKVILLE — Mississippi State football coach Sylvester Croom has been invited to the White House Monday as part of a Black History Month celebration, president George W. Bush’s communications staff announced today. Croom is among 220 guests invited to take part in a meet-and-greet session with the president as part of a two-hour program in the East Room of the White House. The only color that matter is maroon. And publicity, which is a shade of chartruce. A cross-section of leaders from the African-American community has been invited, including political and business leaders, entrepreneurs and sports personalities. Croom, 52, is beginning his fourth season as the Bulldog coach. When he was hired in December of 2003 he became the first black head football coach in the 70-year history of the Southeastern Conference.]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/first_black_head_coach_in_sec.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/first_black_head_coach_in_sec.html Fri, 09 Feb 2007 16:21:49 -0600 The top guy at the Cartoon Network is stepping down because of the "gravity of the situation" regarding the Boston terror scare over the lite-brite type billboards of The Mooninites from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." Firstly, Mr. Jim Samples, we as "Adult Swim" fans (the block of irony drenched hipsteriffic programming in which "ATHF" appears) do not accept your resignation, because The Mooninites do not acknowledge the earth concept of gravity, as Ignignot would say. So suck it, as Err would say. And it's a goddamned cartoon, as I would say. Secondly, you took a completely moribund sister network in the Turner family and made it into a red hot commodity for the vaunted 18-34 demos (can anyone tell I work in publicity now?). The AJC backs me up: Among others things, he helped build Cartoon's Adult Swim programs into a major success. "Aqua Teen" appears during Adult Swim, usually late at night. "Aqua Teen" is an unconventional cartoon, featuring a talking meatball, carton of fries and milkshake as main characters. I should know. Every week I look at cable ratings broken down by male demos, and "Adult Swim" kicks the shit out of everyone with "Family Guy" reruns and original cartoons aimed at (you guessed it) adults that are bizarre and smart. So fuck Boston, fuck false terror alarms and fuck PC corporate policy. You did your job well, sir. First "Fever Pitch" and now this. Thanks, Beantown.]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/i_hope_you_can_see_this_right.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/i_hope_you_can_see_this_right.html Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:40:20 -0600 touched a nation. Armageddon cannot get here fast enough. - Once a geek, always a geek: The Ledger has posted a wire story on college journalism awards for university papers in Mississippi. "The Reflector," Mississippi State's student publication, is portrayed to have won the most awards as well as best overall paper at some competition. I don't remember much about the lay of the land in collegiate journalism, but "The Reflector" was a piece of shit when I was in college. I'm blurry on how all this works - during my 12 years at the DM I went to two of these convention/comeptitions, and strictly to drink. But I know that "The Reflector" runs every other week, while the DM is, well, daily. I still have a modicum of geek pride. I guess this is what it feels like when Tom Brady talks about how Michigan is doing at a Patriots press conference. Except not at all. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/fun_with_media_friday_297.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/fun_with_media_friday_297.html Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:41:20 -0600 the death of Anna Nicole Smith, but as a tribute, here's one of the funniest Saturday Night Live parodies ever, of the ill-conceived MTV show "Fanatic." ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/in_memorium.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/in_memorium.html Thu, 08 Feb 2007 15:24:40 -0600 Look closely, and you'll see that the Archangel Gabriel is quite impressive "on the hoof." 10:40 CT - Robert Elliot is a Bulldog, and he's not the only one. Looks like Joe McKnight will be headed to Los Angeles, possibly because of the distasteful comedy bit I ran on their dead placekicker (see below). I can't believe I'm reccomending this, but The Clarion-Ledger has produced the clearest possible coverage thus far, at least on the Elliot saga. I shall return shortly. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/its_signing_day_in_oxford.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/its_signing_day_in_oxford.html Wed, 07 Feb 2007 10:32:52 -0600 SI is reporting that Southern California kicker Mario Danelo was drunk when he fell to his death off a cliff in the Los Angeles area, making a somewhat bizarre and tragic story possibly filled with black humor... and still tragic. Of course. It's likely Danelo had spent the evening partying, as is the pre-requisite duty of any USC player on the 2-deep chart, and simply slipped and fell. Tragic? Yeah, yeah, we established that. But funny? I dunno. It's like one of those TBS commercials where someone calls the comedy center to ask for a funny rating, i.e., "My boss keeps calling so and so by the wrong name, har!" and then the operator says, "Mighty funny!" So... TBS Funny.... "A member of the hardest partying team in college football stopped on a steep roadside to take a piss after a night of boozing... and fell to his death!" Mighty funny! Yeah, I'm not feeling it either. However, this operates as a theorem for the long suspected proof that alcohol = comedy. No one would've thought to even joke about this... tragedy... a month ago.]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/comedy_of_error.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/comedy_of_error.html Tue, 06 Feb 2007 17:19:58 -0600 Watch it. Here comes Gene Swindoll and the Evening News Team. ESPN - McKnight moves to #1 Overall Spot: "Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?" Jackson CL - Powe hoping third time is a charm: "Third place? You're about to be in dead place!" Oxford Square - McKnight is in, says former recruiting whore: "No commercials, no mercy!" ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/signing_day_come_get_a_taste_1.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/02/signing_day_come_get_a_taste_1.html Tue, 06 Feb 2007 14:46:13 -0600 Standing in line at the deli in my trendy office building I saw, two people up, a hipster Wearing one of those hats Che had Telling his unattractive female friend He had a connection at Apple And could get one of those new Iphones "As soon as humanly possibly, you know?!" And I thought I hoped One day this same young man will be in a plane crash But not die Just be in a little twin engine deal over somewhere like the Canadian Rockies And as his life turns into the "Call of the Wild" or even just Alec Baldwin in "The Edge" He might find his inner man And realize That Iphone that carries his address book and the entire collection of Badly Drawn Boy records Will do little when a pack of wolves takes interest in his starving, dying, ass. http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/a_poem_for_thursday.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/a_poem_for_thursday.html Thu, 11 Jan 2007 11:54:35 -0600 (* "always" denotes within the last two years, post Ron Zook, post Steven wanting to get a MFA from Iowa) Why? 1) It's sunny almost year-round in Gainesville. 2) Their cheerleaders wear garters: Entirely unecessary, completely welcome, unexplainably hot. 3 They win. At a lot of stuff, which is nice. And they're a nationally known program without nary a hint of racial strife or the excuse depleted state population and income. 4) Orange and blue, while hideous on the plains, is surpisingly festive and fashion forward in the Gator design. 5) Tennessee fans suck. 6) Alabama fans suck. 7) UGA wouldn't let me into college (see: UGA fans suck). 8) Reggie Nelson can achieve land speeds in excess of that of a jet fighter by continuously building on his own momentum, Juggernaut-style: The aptly named Concussion Farmer. Bumper crop, bitches. 9) We beat 'em twice during Zook, ergo we've enjoyed four year period of shit talking over a national powerhouse in our conference (ending shortly, I assure thee). 10) Steve Fucking Spurrier 11) They usually beat LSU (See: 2003) 12) Every Day Should Be Saturday is a monstrous effort of factoids, analysis and painfully funny commentary (both in vocabulary, timing and natural, educated wit) that gives me blog small-dick syndrome. 12) This one time, in college, I wrote a column about Chris Leak puking in a garbage can that garnered me praise from just about every professor I had. Glory days....don't let 'em pass you by...wink in a young girl's eyes..... 13) Garters. So, that being said, The Godfrey Show hereby endorses FLORIDA to beat Ohio State tonight in the Fed Ex / Allstate / Tostitos (I'm not sure, but it's one of those) National Championship. Besides, if anything could push the world into total Armageddon, it's the same school winning hoops and football consecutively. Don't believe me? What about this? And this? And this? See? Someone better call Bruce. The greatest film of all time. Fuck you, Citizen Kane. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/prediction_monday_gators_chomp.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/prediction_monday_gators_chomp.html Mon, 08 Jan 2007 12:39:40 -0600 By our math, he'll be head coach of Kentucky football in four years. Pat Forde, ESPN.com: Louisville coach Bobby Petrino has accepted a five-year, $24 million offer from the Atlanta Falcons to become their new coach, according to a Louisville source. The Cardinals have a previously scheduled 9 p.m. ET team meeting at which Petrino will tell his players, the source said. ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli reported that an NFL source also confirmed the hiring. "I'm in shock right now," Louisville kicker Arthur Carmody told ESPN's Joe Schad Sunday night. "I'm about to walk into a team meeting right now. We're coming off a great Orange Bowl win and we were all thinking national championship. I didn't think this would happen. He said he enjoyed college football. He's a great coach and we're going to miss him." An announcement from the Falcons could come Monday. ESPN's Chris Mortensen first reported earlier Sunday evening that the Falcons were in deep negotiations with Petrino. Before the season, Petrino signed a 10-year, $25 million contract with Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich. Petrino had previously interviewed with Auburn, LSU, Notre Dame and the Oakland Raiders for other jobs, but announced in August that he would be at Louisville for the long haul. "I can't tell you how happy I am with the commitment and the confidence that Tom Jurich has in me and the university has in me," Petrino said after signing the contract. "I also wanted to make sure that everyone understood, I know I've said it, that this is where my family wants to be. This is where I want to be. I want everyone to really believe it." More here!!]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/hail_satan.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/hail_satan.html Sun, 07 Jan 2007 20:19:50 -0600 Bonnaroo Wants to Buy Tenn. Farm Site MANCHESTER, Tenn. — The Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival is negotiating to buy the 500-acre farm where the first five festivals were held to be the event's permanent home, the landowner has said. Bonnaroo officials declined to comment, but farm owner Sam McAllister said the sale could be concluded next week. "Well, there's a few little things that have got to take place before it happens," McAllister said Wednesday. Coffee County zoning administrator Ronnie Branch said Bonnaroo official Ashley Capps told the Board of Zoning Appeals last month that a land purchase was imminent. Capps asked the board for a type of zoning permit that would streamline the festival's planning process. The permit was approved contingent on the sale of the land, Branch said. The deal appears to be on track to be closed in the middle of this month, he said. Capps told the board Bonnaroo wants to improve water lines and roads at the site and said the festival might want to stage smaller musical events at the farm. "Well, they can use it when they want to use it, but they can only get so many mass-gathering permits in a year, so I'd say they'd be limited to three or four events" besides Bonnaroo, Branch said. Don't say you weren't warned, people. We all saw this day coming. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/rural_tennessee_town_sells_lar_1.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/rural_tennessee_town_sells_lar_1.html Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:05:34 -0600 TGS: A blog putting its body on the line every night in civic centers, high school gyms and VFWs nationwide.]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/its_still_real_to_me_damnit.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2007/01/its_still_real_to_me_damnit.html Thu, 04 Jan 2007 15:38:24 -0600 a man of your word and view the NFL as the last stop of your lauded coaching career, or you're trying to outdo your would-be in-state nemesis in the category of personell cloak and dagger. No means no means $6 million annual plus endorsement. And no Houndstooth. - So, Jim Mora Jr.: Too little, too late, but it's always fun to watch 'em squirm. FRY LIKE BACON, piggie! - And for all of you that thought my lazy ass wouldn't make it a single two-game span.... bet on three. In the meantime, let's ring in the tradition of corporate greed, high-corruption and the total insanity that is...... "Yet Another Blogger's Bowl Preview: 2006." So, Who's Playing? BYU and Oregon in the Pioneer Pure Vision Las Vegas Bowl Did You Have To Look That Up? Actually, no. Scary. What to watch for: I'm not gonna purport to be some well rounded college football fan that could say anything past, "Fuck, it's 10 pm and the SEC games are over, we've been sitting here for 11 hours. Let's go get booze and pussy!" when it comes to the Pac-10 and Mountain West games (Powder River, Bitches!). But Rod Gilmore - who apparently isn't dead, just working Wednesday night MAC games - says the Duck and Cougar coaches are all too familiar with one another's style, and this game could prove to be an early must-see for pure gamesmanship. Given that it's Vegas, anyone wanna take an over/under on Jim MacMahon showing up? We can only pray. What this game means: Nothing, except that BYU is expected to travel strong. So? So, Mormons crowded in Vegas? Talk about short lines for a lap dance, a seat at blackjack and a drink at the bar. That's gonna be like the time I used a handicap pass to ride the log flume over and over at Six Flags. Will Godfrey Be Watching? Not if Martin Scorcese has anything to do with it. In a last ditch effort to see the best movie of 2006 that won't involve flying dragons, I've penciled in a date with a 9 p.m. showing of "The Departed" at a dollar theatre across town. And for those of you quick to finger me a pansy (that didn't sound right), honestly what's gayer? Leo starring in a Oscar-buzzed film, or these helmets? Your move, NASCAR. Winner: BYU. The only thing less sensical than being a Mormon is taking your fashion cues from Nike. ]]> http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2006/12/yabbp_2006_continues_orgeron_g.html http://www.snydernews.net/godfrey/2006/12/yabbp_2006_continues_orgeron_g.html Thu, 21 Dec 2006 15:33:30 -0600