I won't lie - it's been quite a day here at the exposition. Even the noblest, most idealistic of field researchers don't dare to dream of a find this rich, this undocumented... this eye-opening...
Watch, as we take you further into the recesses of the wild kingdom than any other program has before. Never has such an intimate look at the social interaction, tribal customs and ornate mating rituals of the purple-faced slopeheaded coonass been captured on video.
Notice the sheer absence of class, ettiquite or grooming among the herd - as if there were no caste system at all and a simple, primal motto of anarchaic coonassedness reigned.
It's tough to make out any decipherable language patterns, as most of the primate to primate communication is dampened by the sounds of the White Party DJ, a notorious social scavenger common to classless ecosystems.