The Godfrey Show

This thing is really going to get out of hand. And fast.

Watch it. Here comes Gene Swindoll and the Evening News Team.

ESPN - McKnight moves to #1 Overall Spot: "Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?"

Jackson CL - Powe hoping third time is a charm: "Third place? You're about to be in dead place!"

Oxford Square - McKnight is in, says former recruiting whore: "No commercials, no mercy!"

SI is reporting that Southern California kicker Mario Danelo was drunk when he fell to his death off a cliff in the Los Angeles area, making a somewhat bizarre and tragic story possibly filled with black humor... and still tragic. Of course.

It's likely Danelo had spent the evening partying, as is the pre-requisite duty of any USC player on the 2-deep chart, and simply slipped and fell. Tragic? Yeah, yeah, we established that.

But funny? I dunno. It's like one of those TBS commercials where someone calls the comedy center to ask for a funny rating, i.e., "My boss keeps calling so and so by the wrong name, har!" and then the operator says, "Mighty funny!"

So... TBS Funny.... "A member of the hardest partying team in college football stopped on a steep roadside to take a piss after a night of boozing... and fell to his death!"

Mighty funny!

Yeah, I'm not feeling it either. However, this operates as a theorem for the long suspected proof that alcohol = comedy. No one would've thought to even joke about this... tragedy... a month ago.

10:40 CT - Robert Elliot is a Bulldog, and he's not the only one. Looks like Joe McKnight will be headed to Los Angeles, possibly because of the distasteful comedy bit I ran on their dead placekicker (see below).

I can't believe I'm reccomending this, but The Clarion-Ledger has produced the clearest possible coverage thus far, at least on the Elliot saga.

I shall return shortly.

I have absolutely no empathy for the death of Anna Nicole Smith, but as a tribute, here's one of the funniest Saturday Night Live parodies ever, of the ill-conceived MTV show "Fanatic."

- Apparently the life and words of Anna Nicole Smith touched a nation. Armageddon cannot get here fast enough.

- Once a geek, always a geek: The Ledger has posted a wire story on college journalism awards for university papers in Mississippi. "The Reflector," Mississippi State's student publication, is portrayed to have won the most awards as well as best overall paper at some competition.

I don't remember much about the lay of the land in collegiate journalism, but "The Reflector" was a piece of shit when I was in college.

I'm blurry on how all this works - during my 12 years at the DM I went to two of these convention/comeptitions, and strictly to drink. But I know that "The Reflector" runs every other week, while the DM is, well, daily. I still have a modicum of geek pride. I guess this is what it feels like when Tom Brady talks about how Michigan is doing at a Patriots press conference. Except not at all.

I hate to see this.

The top guy at the Cartoon Network is stepping down because of the "gravity of the situation" regarding the Boston terror scare over the lite-brite type billboards of The Mooninites from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."

Firstly, Mr. Jim Samples, we as "Adult Swim" fans (the block of irony drenched hipsteriffic programming in which "ATHF" appears) do not accept your resignation, because The Mooninites do not acknowledge the earth concept of gravity, as Ignignot would say. So suck it, as Err would say. And it's a goddamned cartoon, as I would say.

Secondly, you took a completely moribund sister network in the Turner family and made it into a red hot commodity for the vaunted 18-34 demos (can anyone tell I work in publicity now?). The AJC backs me up:

Among others things, he helped build Cartoon's Adult Swim programs into a major success.

"Aqua Teen" appears during Adult Swim, usually late at night. "Aqua Teen" is an unconventional cartoon, featuring a talking meatball, carton of fries and milkshake as main characters.

I should know. Every week I look at cable ratings broken down by male demos, and "Adult Swim" kicks the shit out of everyone with "Family Guy" reruns and original cartoons aimed at (you guessed it) adults that are bizarre and smart.

So fuck Boston, fuck false terror alarms and fuck PC corporate policy. You did your job well, sir.

First "Fever Pitch" and now this. Thanks, Beantown.

Can't be too surprised. The standard for White House invites was set pretty low after Scooter Libby.

From the wires -

STARKVILLE — Mississippi State football coach Sylvester Croom has been invited to the White House Monday as part of a Black History Month celebration, president George W. Bush’s communications staff announced today.

Croom is among 220 guests invited to take part in a meet-and-greet session with the president as part of a two-hour program in the East Room of the White House.

The only color that matter is maroon. And publicity, which is a shade of chartruce.

A cross-section of leaders from the African-American community has been invited, including political and business leaders, entrepreneurs and sports personalities.

Croom, 52, is beginning his fourth season as the Bulldog coach. When he was hired in December of 2003 he became the first black head football coach in the 70-year history of the Southeastern Conference.

I won't lie - it's been quite a day here at the exposition. Even the noblest, most idealistic of field researchers don't dare to dream of a find this rich, this undocumented... this eye-opening...

Watch, as we take you further into the recesses of the wild kingdom than any other program has before. Never has such an intimate look at the social interaction, tribal customs and ornate mating rituals of the purple-faced slopeheaded coonass been captured on video.

Notice the sheer absence of class, ettiquite or grooming among the herd - as if there were no caste system at all and a simple, primal motto of anarchaic coonassedness reigned.

It's tough to make out any decipherable language patterns, as most of the primate to primate communication is dampened by the sounds of the White Party DJ, a notorious social scavenger common to classless ecosystems.

Occasionally I like to write things that outright torture my mother.

It's not torture like Jack Bauer working on the wherewithal of some shifty looking nuke-hoarding Arab with a heated coathanger... making happy little trees on the canvas of his fundamentalist face a la Bob Ross on a bender.... talk goddamn you.....but it's a form of torture nonetheless.

Cause even Jack knows, psychological torture is the best.

Jack Bauer - Capabale of killing six Asian soldier with a paperclip, and calls his mother more often than I call mine.

I might never get married. Ever. Which is bad enough for the one who spawned me, but even worse is that this means I might not ever have kids for her dote (and more importantly) worry over. No brood of my own means no golden age occupation for my mother, which means my poor dog will continue to be dressed up in outfits corresponding with national holidays. If he had the cognitive learning skills to piece this together, he'd likely bite my balls off.

It's not that I wouldn't want to get married, it's just that other people's marriages look too impressive for me to ever attempt the idea of a holy union. Seriously, some people have created a loving bond between two individuals acting as one that it downright frightens me I'll be without the capability to do so.

Such as these crazy kids.

As I sit squarely in my mid-20s, I find myself being drug to wedding after wedding as the inevitable pairing off and thinning of the herd occurs.

In turn I've been to the web site theknot.com, where couples to-be post a bunch of hokey shit that makes me want a go a big rubbery one, just so that they can also list what kind of china they want.

However, I'd like to attend this wedding... At this point I'll stop, and let love speak for itself:

JENNIE WADE & LENNIS HAYES

MARCH 22, 2008

396 days to go!

ABOUT JENNIE

I've lived in Cove for all of my life. I graduated in 2003. I'm currently working at a resturant as a waitress. In March or so I'm going to go to the local barber school so that I can help Lennis run the shop. I'm a pretty down to earth girl, but then again I'm kinda a brat. Lennis spoiles me soooo much.

ABOUT LENNIS

Lennis was born in Atlanta, Georgia and moved to Texas when he was about 3 or 4. He's lived in Killeen since. He graduated from Shoemaker High School in 2003. Then he went to Barber School at OJ's Barber School offered through CTC. He graduated and then got his license in 2004. He works at his family owned barber shop in Copperas Cove. He plays in a local rock band called Deviltry. No it doesn't have anything to do with the devil. Deviltry: n- an act of reckless behavior. Just thought I would put that out there so there wasn't any confusion.

HOW WE MET

We met last October when I went to one of his band practices. I went with a friend at the time to her boyfriend's band practice. I met his bassist and then met him. At first I thought that he was kinda cute, but we didn't date. We lost contact and then he found me on myspace. He actually searched for me. He had remembered that I had graduated from Cove and finally found me. Lennis left a message that said " Hey hot mama, call me!!" I replied and our first date was at Boston's and then we went and saw Scary Movie 4. We've been dating since. It's been glorious. We now live together and it's been tough getting used to how we each operate, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED

November 16, 2006

HOW IT HAPPENED

He came home from work and took me into our computer room. I had been bugging him about getting me an engagement ring (just joking of course). He had told me earlier on the phone that I was going to love Christmas. So he closes the door behind me and the tells me to close my eyes and stick out my hands. So I do it, and when he tells me to open them I have a box in my hand. I open and there is my engagement ring. He then asks me to marry him and I just jump on him and tell him yes.

Someone, anyone find me a Deviltry t-shirt.